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"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the
task of the sculptor to discover it." Michelangelo
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"The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise." - Alden Nowlan
 Measured & Bound "Change is a process, not an event."
"Nothing changes if nothing changes." "You can start your day over at any time." "You can't think yourself into a new way of living but you can live your way into a new way of thinking." "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." "Progress, not perfection." "One day at a time." "Feelings are not facts." -Unknown "You spend most of your life inside your head . . .
Make it a nice place to be." - Unknown  My climb up the mountain in Arctic Valley "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about." - Haruki Murakami
"First, it is an intention. Then a behavior. Then a habit. Then a practice. Then a second nature. Then it is simply who you are." * Brendon Burchard
"You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however." - Richard Bach
 Gone Upside Down! “The impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find . . . ashes.” - Annie Dillard * * * The tide’s turned. But I can’t hear the waves crash their way up the shore. Lying on the sand under a starry sky next to a man with whom I’ve just shared intimacy, I’m overcome with emotions. I try to conceal my tears. He attempts to console. Unwittingly, I allow for a cultural concept, or maybe subconsciously I simply hope, that taking a lover will somehow wash away the disappointments of the more than twenty years of devotion I invested into a duplicitous spouse. Angry at myself for crying, I wipe at my eyes. But they keep spilling over with disillusionment, pain, loss. * * * Making the shift from family life into single culture is not an easy adjustment. I stumbled and I fumbled and I made errors in judgment in my attempt to avoid the inevitability of processing through grief while in the midst of constructing . . . a new normal. In addition to contending with internal inconsistencies, I faced the well-meaning advice, of family, friends, ex-in-laws, colleagues and, surprisingly, even strangers, that I open my perspective to hook-ups, to lovers and, of course, to another life partner. A longtime friend insisted she knew, from her country western dance class, just the right guy for me. In spite of my protests, a co-worker orchestrated a blind date for me with a several-years-my-junior catch. The girls at the office nudged me toward accepting one of many invitations extended to me by a good looking, bitter-at-his-ex-wife client. An ex-in-law admonished I head down to F Street Station and pick up a Pilot for the night to help give myself a little lift. A pastor’s wife I know thought I might make a good match for her husband’s best friend. A family member provided a stranger, half my age, with my phone number. My ex-father-in-law suggested I consider his son’s cousin. An acquaintance puzzled, “You’re so nice. Why are you single?” A friend of my friend’s friend propositioned, “Let’s have sex?” At my proclamation to maintain single status, a sweet soul, in her 70s, gently attempted to dissuade . . . Innumerable pressures distract from the hard, but necessary, work of quieting the heart. But it is in the quiet that truth reveals. And when we face heartbreaking truths, we are then better equipped to step forward in the direction where truth is leading us - toward healing. “On the other side of your fear is the life that you want.” - Nick Nyalungu - Green Renaissance When I exhausted my heart repeating self-sabotaging cycles, a friend’s sage advice came to mind; and I quit fighting against the pain. Instead, I peered soberly into the complexities of my hurting heart and faced the discomfiting realities. “Healing also means taking an honest look at the role you play in your own suffering.” - Unknown At times I thought I’d suffocate under a torrent of emotions. I flailed about in the turbulent, black water that feelings are either good or they are . . . unacceptable, until, Chip Dodd’s perspective on feelings cast a lifeline.  When I grew to understand that feelings are neither good nor bad but that they merely serve to draw my attention to issues in need of addressing and changing, finger pointing and conversely self-abasing slowly transformed into a roll-up-my-sleeves approach. So I extended myself a bit of grace and I started working through emotions in such a way that benefitted rather than impaired my quality of life. I furrowed through the hard, dry encrusted top layer of emotions that searing betrayal and loss create: anger, fear, hurt. But the rocky under-layer of emotions proved more arduous to plow through. I use to live in the Johnson Creek area; a rocky geology. My stepdad delegated, to my little sister and me, the task of removing rocks from his soon-to-be garden. I was eight at the time, but I clearly recall the feeling of sitting in the hot dirt under a scorching sun extracting stone after stone from what seemed a vast swath of earth. A hard-to-please perfectionist with a hair-trigger temper, my sister’s and my little girl approach to the task enraged our stepfather. His anger had the reverse effect, however, for it only severed to slow our progress further in our fearful preoccupation with his anger. I felt much the same toward my own stoney emotions. I’d work in the intensely heated soil of my heart attempting to extract shame, guilt, loneliness, sadness, cynicism, rejection, abandonment, inadequacy . . . But when my inner critic railed at my awkward, feeble attempts at change, the condemnation merely served to impede any substantial growth. “The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, but ends up writing another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it." - James M. Barrie When I accepted my slow progression, I made strides. Part of transformation, for me, necessitated serious life shifts. I packed my belongings, moved from a busy yet disingenuous social life and relocated to a quieter community of authenticity. I implemented respectful boundaries and tearfully walked away from a three year romance. I exchanged a career in a contractually governed, number-crunching, pugilistic industry for a remote Alaskan wilderness adventure. “You need to do more than just eat nourishing food, exercise and rest to feel your best. You also need to be around good people, spend time healing your emotional history, live in alignment with your values, say no to people pleasing, stay open to growth and deeply embrace change.” - Yung Puebo These external changes, as well as others I committed to, cultivated an atmosphere where new life began to grow in the loamy soil of my fertile heart: trust, patience, forgiveness, joy. Rumination matured into a hopeful perspective. Emotional muscles developed as did spiritual endurance. A healthier sense of worth replaced self-flagellation. Gratitude eradicated my woe-is-me outlook. Blame gave way to empathy. Bitterness dissipated in the assurance of God’s love and acceptance. And a deep abiding peace settled over my worry-driven soul. Rushing toward a new attachment did not wipe away the pain from the years I gave to my husband. A casual encounter merely jaded my wounded psyche. A new lover did not resolve anger or mend fences or heal what broke my heart or redeem time or do the hard work of processing through my own personal grief. Once I committed to facing and putting things to right, to restructuring and moving toward new goals and to finding the courage to be vulnerable again while maintaining healthy boundaries, the dividends paid and continue to pay far beyond the arduous effort I exerted toward healing, toward a new way of life and living. Grieving is valid. Grieving must have its day. Grieving is gloriously, messy and yet an integral part of healing. But we are not alone in this feat; God loves and He absolutely cares. And . . . I assure you that healing truly is on the other side of grief and life will look sweet, from a new perspective, once again. "Stand up straight and realize who you are . . .
that you tower over your circumstance." Maya Angelou "To be alone is essential for self-discovery and for the spirit. I think being alone is not a hardship. It's loneliness that is the painful part." - Green Renaissance interview with Jenny Jackson
"If each individual in the world simply did all that was in their power each day for the persons whose lives come in natural contact with their own, the entire world would be rejuvenated at once." - Lilian Whiting
 Stormy Lake Captain Cook Recreation Park October 2022 "Hope is not the closing of my eyes to the difficulties, the risks or the failures. It is a trust that - if I fail now - I shall not fail forever; and if I am hurt, I shall be healed. It is a trust that life is good, love is powerful and the future is full of promise." - Anonymous
* * * * * * Autumn is my favorite time of year. The summer rush is quieted, the air is sharp in my lungs and cool on my skin, the road and trail systems are less trafficked and the colors . . . mesmerize. A few days ago I took this photo of Stormy Lake through deciduous trees which exemplifies the change in seasons; and in my mind, is a beautiful visual indicative of the above quote. As much as I welcome this gold and orange and scarlet season, I am not yet ready for the freezing white that follows this colorful time. I spent my summer working along the Bering and Beaufort Seas where fog or low lying grey obscured light from the amber orb in its gorgeous blue sky. But as Fall is decidedly giving way, I've no choice but to brace myself for the inevitable. Winter in Alaska is not for the faint of heart. Heavy layers, clunky boots, studded tires, the ever-ready shovel and bags of sand, flying tumultuous skies in small aircraft that shuttle me off to remote job locations speak to the challenging realities I face in the months ahead. But these, as well as other struggles I'll no doubt encounter, each work to pull on strengths I may not otherwise realize - but for these difficulties. Navigating the emotional and even spiritual winter's of life are not always so easily met. For I find that battling a tangible hardship is far easier to confront. If I wake to mountains of snow, I simply layer up, grab my shovel and I quickly see the end result of my hard labor - though I have to repeat my efforts through the long winter. But, when I strap into the seat of a Cessna Conquest in preparation to fly off into the snowy and windy atmosphere toward destinations hundreds of miles from . . . everything, my physical abilities fail, and I must draw on an inner strength as I am forced to entrust my safety to another as they fly me to live, temporarily, among strangers. Similarly, when I confront a failure, whether another's or . . . my own, or a disappointment or a betrayal my perspective, on what feels an arduously freezing winter season of sadness, apathy, depression, anger, loneliness and even - hopelessness, often clouds over in my tumultuous mind and stormy circumstances. But in these situations, an inner strength grows as I develop emotional muscles and spiritual endurance. Hope truly - Springs - forth in spite of cold doubts that loom gray in their attempt to obscure the warmth and Light that grows my soul and enriches my life. Hope breaks through the storms of human frailty and reminds me that . . . Love is powerful Failure is not forever Hurts heal Life is good And, I can trust with a confidence in my heart as I learn that the future is filled . . . with promise. "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were . . . my life." - Alfred D' Souza
"Success is not final,
failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill "That is what compassion does. It challenges our assumptions, our sense of self-limitation, worthlessness, of not having a place in the world, our feelings of loneliness and estrangement. These are narrow, constrictive states of mind. As we develop compassion, our hearts open." -Sharon Salzberg
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AuthorIn a culture where people resist the idea of anyone speaking into their lives, I feel most fortunate I've people, who care enough for me, they risk speaking into mine. Their words provide a safeguard. And I love them for their commitment to my best. I also appreciate the words of wisdom of others who, though we've never met, share similar perspectives on life. I am drawn to their words as they encourage, inspire, empower. I hope you'll find their words provide you with the same. Archives
February 2025
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