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Two thousand five was a big year for me! After 25 years of family life, my lil nest emptied; my children went off to venture and build lives of their own choosing. As the oldest of six and then raising four of my own, all I’d ever known, up to this juncture, was a care-taking style of living. So, naturally I floundered; what now?
Uncertain as to how to define this pondering, I packed my things into a storage unit, loaded my car with books and bike and outdoor equipment and set off on a 5 month driving venture in an attempt to answer, “Now what?” Two Thousand Fifteen, also, proved a big year for me!!! I underwent testing for cancer (thankfully - none existed). I underwent major surgery which was followed, two days after my discharge from the hospital, by a visit to the Emergency Room due to complications with my breathing. Everything turned surreal as medical staff descended upon me in the concern I’d developed a blood clot. The ER doctor advised me of the potential of another (emergency) surgery and too of the possibility I may meet with my Maker. Staff hurriedly placed me on a gurney and wheeled me down a long corridor and into a room where a Tech preformed a cat scan on my heart . . . I walked away from this experience determined to make changes in areas of my life that I’d shelved away for - future attention. After working nearly fourteen years in an industry governed by contracts and statutes, I now spend the bulk of my time and energy investing in creative endeavors. I set healthier standards of conduct in relationships I’d enabled and where I’d failed to set healthy boundary lines of respect. My people pleasing ways and my inability to execute an appropriate “no” not only did not seem to please, but, upon reflection, did not benefit the ones I’d placate. Now, in the best interest of others and, too, of myself, in spite of the potential for anger or isolation, I issue a healthy no. My spiritual focus is much more clear these days. And, adventuring is a priority. Repositioning is no easy feat. Nearly four years have passed and my life is still in process as I work toward goals important to my heart. I recently purchased a motorhome with the aim to head south this Fall or this coming Spring. My goal, my intent is to continue my creative, spiritual and adventurous ways of living. I wrote the posts, that precede this blog entry, in 2005 to family and friends who asked to follow my happenings during the 5 months I spent traveling. I hope that you enjoy reading as my writings provide you with a small window into the direction I am currently heading. Here is to new beginnings - whatever our season in life.
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April 14, 2005
To the Caring, the Concerned and the Curious, I’m here! I am back on US soil. I drove through US Customs last night around 8:30 pm after being interrogated and then, with a smile, welcomed back into the good ole USA. I am in Blaine, WA visiting friends and at the moment (while writing this letter) I am laying on a sea of green, basking in the sun and listening to a cacophony of bird song. The birds are going crazy here. Everything is green and flowering and the air is warm. I grabbed Crystal’s bike today, since mine is disassembled in the back of my car, and toured Drayton Harbor, the Marina and downtown Blaine. It felt good to move after sitting on my hinder for four days. Blaine is a quiet little town and is a fantastic place to relax for a couple days after a trip down the Alcan Hwy. For those of you who I did not inform about the change in my plans, I am currently on my way to California. I decided to throw my tent, my bathing suit, some books and my bike in the back of my car, bypass Anchorage for a time and head toward the suntan state. I thought an adventure would do me good before I settle down into routine again. Saying goodbye to everyone was bittersweet. Your love and hugs and well wishes were touching and my granddaughter’s farewell went straight to my heart. When I pulled up to the house to say goodbye to the grandbabies, Riss ran to the door to meet me. When I picked her up, she grabbed me in a choke hold, pressed her cheek to mine and exclaimed, “I go with you grama.” We had fun playing and laughing during my visit. When I readied to leave, Rissa dove for my ankle, grabbed hold and as I laughed and drug her across the floor a couple steps, she looked up at me with a smile on her cherub face and declared, “I go with you grama.” (I personally think that ankle diving should be a frequent occurrence in everyone’s life. Alright, I confess, it might look a little peculiar if adults start diving for ankles, but it sure feels good when someone you love grabs hold.) Well, I picked Rissa up and gave her a kiss and when I set her back down, she ran to the window and smiled and waved as I drove off. I so wanted to swoop that girl up and say, “Come on Rissa-Roo, let’s go see Mickey Mouse.” If only we’d stay that open and vulnerable as the years progress. The enthusiasm I was met with by those I’ll visit during my travels down the west coast was also heart warming, especially my daughter’s, who when I told her my intent, screamed with excitement. I too screamed in response - before realizing I was in a restaurant with friends. Oops! The drive through Alaska and Canada was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed the solitary miles. The road was like an old friend whose company I’ve missed and I did not want to leave. Sunday morning was my first official day on the road, I left my sunny spot on the Copper River and drove off into the grey. By days end I’d driven over 650 miles to Teslin, Canada. As I said, it felt good to be on the road. Besides, everything was white and frozen and cold, so conditions were not especially conducive to stopping to smell the roses or campfire smoke. When I reached Teslin, everything was closed. I stopped at a motel whose sign said, “Open.” But when I knocked, no one answered. I had no alternative but to sleep in the car. I pulled off the road and parked in a quiet area, threw the back seat’s contents into the front and crawled under the covers for a cramped but sound nights sleep. When I peeked my head out from under the covers the next morning, ice cold air bit me in the face. I quickly turned the ignition over, hid back under the covers and waited for a bit of warmth to greet me good morning. I spent my second night in Fort Nelson and my third in Prince George where I grabbed a room and took a very, very, very long, hot shower. I drove in every imaginable weather condition possible and my Subaru and I did beautifully. My travels have been great thus far and I am looking forward to more of the same. I will email another letter when I reach my destination in California. I am not exactly sure when this will be. I have a weekend rendezvous in Seattle planned, a hot tub, a bottle of wine and a gab session waiting in Portland where I plan to stay for at least a week or two and I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich awaiting me in Roseburg. I do so hope there is a glass of milk to go with the PB & J, Aunt Jan, And yes, I recall our conversation on the topic of “expectations” lol. I then plan to travel the coastline down to Southern Cali. For those of you I’ll bypass taking the coastal route, when I reach Lancaster, I’ll pick up my sweetie girl and head back north for a visit. So, I’ll see you soon. I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to dip my toe in the Pacific. I hope all of you are doing wonderfully. I send you my love Until then, Nannette May 5, 2005
Hello From Oregon I so enjoy your calls and emails. I appreciate your words of encouragement, your updates and your numerous admonitions to, “BE CAREFUL.” And so I will. I thought I’d send another letter even though I’ve not yet reached my destination in order to respond to all the emails I’ve received. I thought I should set my good friends and loving worrier’s minds at ease as to where I am and what I am up to. My youngest reminds me when I worry over him that, “It’s all good, Mom.” So take heart that it’s all good. I am sitting next to a crackling fire that’s blazing its way up a mammoth chimney in Timberline Lodge on Mt. Hood. This place is great. It has a very rustic feel and a wonderful sense of history. The mountain is covered in snow and is shrouded in fog. Gorgeous. I decided to take a drive up the mountain today while everyone is at work and treat myself to lunch here at the lodge. What a fantastic place to sit and write. Adventure continues to readily present itself, much to my joy. Or, maybe it is more along the lines of what my niece observed the other day. My sister’s teenage girls and I went to the park for lunch and when we finished eating, I coaxed and coerced them to the swing set. They moaned and groaned but followed my lead. While they sat on their swings and complained about motion sickness, I set my swing flying and then set it spinning while in mid-air. They yelled something about throwing-up and about me being a crazy woman. I laughed back. And Tressa shot at me in a rather unimpressed tone, “Aunt Nannette, you entertain easily.” I laughed again and responded in a rather preachy aunt sort of way, “All I have is this moment Tress, right now and I am going to be happy and have fun.” Like someone reminded me before I began my travels south, the journey is as important as the destination. Whether the journey is in the literal sense or the figurative, this principle is applicable to both. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow has not yet arrived, all we have is today, this moment, right now. So, maybe experiencing adventure is more of an attitude than an opportunity. It’s all in how we view life and what we make of it. My Seattle rendezvous was great fun. My brother and his buddy were in the area finishing up their scuba diving certification. So I met with them and my sister-in-law for fun in the rain. As I’d arrived at the hotel before the rest, I made my way down to the outdoor hot tub and swimming pool for a soak and a swim. Ah, the amenities a warmer climate offers. It was dark and raining out and I had the place to myself. Subdued lighting surrounded the pool’s perimeter along with Maples and Willows and Rhododendrons. I glided and floated through the cool water and enjoyed the solitude. I closed my eyes and let the rain softly pelt my face and the water relax my road weary muscles. This peaceful moment was short lived, however, due to a group of approximately 20 rambunctious teenagers diving and bombing into the water around me. The atmosphere quickly changed from peaceful to playful. Fun! After the guys scuba dive the next day, we wandered through Pikes Market. We squeezed our way through the mob of people trying to get a look at everything. There were flowers everywhere; daffodils and tulips and lilacs and numerous other varieties. The colors and smells and textures filled our senses; I couldn’t get enough. Kim and I oohed and aahed over flowers until the guys were sick of hearing us. We watched the fish mongers at Pikes Market Fish Co. bark at passerby and throw fish at one another and too throw a rubber chicken into the unsuspecting, squealing crowd. It was quite comical and great entertainment. The following day Kim and I watched the Daffodil Festival Marine Parade make its way along Ruston Way Waterfront in Tacoma while the guys finished their last dive. There were 50 some odd boats decked out in daffodils and flags and other ornaments and people stood on decks dressed in yachtsmen clothes waving to landlubbers. After the dive, we joined the diving class for lunch. What a fun and interesting group of people. I enjoyed listening the stories the experienced divers shared. And the instructor offered to give me a couple free introductory lessons. I am thoroughly enjoying spending time with loved ones here in Oregon. Of course I am involved in family activities; dinners and track meets and movies and a comedy club show and lunches and the health club and the beauty salon. My sister-in-law and my nieces and I went to the beauty salon after hours. We ate pizza and looked at magazines and asked Kathy to make us look like “this one.” We colored our hair and skin and nails and talked girl talk and listened to music and sang and danced around the salon with foil in our hair and had a great time. I have also experienced a few outdoor adventures. I’ve been to Hood River up the Columbia Gorge to watch the windsurfers and kite boarders, (I have to take up that sport. The guys on the kite boards dance on the water and jump the waves and fly through the air. How fun is that?) I have also been to the coast and to the mountains a couple times and to the zoo. I walked around downtown Portland and meandered through shops, and, I watched passerby (I could write a whole letter just on observations I made while people watching downtown. Crazy!) And I’ve been to Multnomah Falls a couple of times. Life is good. My sister and I hiked up switchbacks to the top of Multnomah Falls at sunset under a canopy of Western Red Cedars and moss covered Maples. There was a slight reprieve in the rain. The sun broke its way through the clouds and put on a glorious exhibit before kissing the world goodnight. Multnomah Falls crashes down a basalt cliff into an amphitheater shaped area. It is absolutely gorgeous. At the base of the Falls is a lodge that looks like it came directly out of a Thomas Kincaid painting. The lodge is built of rocks found in the Columbia gorge area and has two massive chimneys at each end of the lodge and the wood shakes on the roof are covered with moss. The chimney at the east end of the lodge had smoke slowly billowing its way up into the trees. Very picturesque. I plan to stay in Oregon for at least another week. There are just too many fun things to do here and great people to visit. I will be heading down the coastline to see my girly as well as other family members and friends in California in the not too distant future. I hope that all of you are doing wonderfully and that life is treating you well. I send all of you my love and I look forward to hearing from you as always. Nannette June 2, 2005
Hello All, I’ve reached my destination. And I’ve enjoyed safe travels from Alaska through to California. Traveling alone has proved to be an awesome adventure thus far. I’ve experienced a trial or two here and there, but such is the nature of life. The best we can do is to learn to extract the precious from the worthless and enjoy the good we do have in our lives; family, friends, love and the list continues infinitely. So much has happened in the month since I last wrote and I have a host of stories to relay. I’ll try to spare you the book version of my escapades and focus on the semi-condensed version. The majority of you are enjoying my lengthy letters and ask that I continue sending them. I realize, though, that not everyone is a reader. So, if you’re not up to reading my letters, you’re under no obligation. But as life holds so many wonderful opportunities and adventures and possibilities and lessons, I will share with those who are interested in my happenings. I did indeed drive the coastline here to southern Cali, but the trip was not quite as I’d envisioned. I had visions of sun and blue skies, of walking the beach and collecting shells, of playing in the ocean and sitting on the sand writing and sketching to my hearts content. Instead I was met with fog and rain. Visibility was so poor, from North to South along Hwy 1, that I rarely glimpsed the ocean. The majority of the road along Hwy 1 is precarious, winding and twisting, up and down and around with one hairpin turn after another. It was dizzying to drive, especially in poor visibility and it was worse in the dark. As I was driving, a parallel came to mind - I compared the limited visibility and the adverse road and weather conditions to conditions, at times, in my personal life. I set goals and I dream dreams and I steer my course onward. But when traveling becomes precarious, winding and twisting and visibility seems limited, my journey leaves me dizzy and the unknowns seem to darken my vision of the future further. But it is at these times when darkness seems to fall, that I turn on the lights to help guide me; the lights of family love, of wisdom gained through the hard knocks of life, of friends who cherish and care and of the Bible. And though I sometimes find myself taking a detour, I, thankfully, find my way back and continue my journey with confidence. And too, in spite of the conditions and the precariousness and the dizzying affects of life, I’m still on the road making headway, even if progress is slower at times than at others. (Here’s a bit of feeling for you, Cliff). When I hit the bottom of the mountains and finally reached the ocean my first night on Hwy 1, it was dark and late and I was exhausted. I hadn’t seen anyone or anything along the hwy for miles. So when I spied a cluster of R/V’s hunkered down near the beach for the night, I pulled into the middle of them and crawled in the back seat, once again, and slept. Highway I also routed me through Sausalito, a cute little touristy town across the bay from San Francisco, and toward the Golden Gate Bridge. While crossing the bridge, I couldn’t help myself, I let out a scream of excitement. That thrill cost me a $5 toll when I reached the other side. And yes, I do entertain easily. When I hit San Francisco. I called my daughter and we made plans to meet at Pismo Beach. When I arrived in Pismo and pulled up next to my girly's car, she jumped out and said in the sweetest tone, “Momma, I’ve missed you.” She made a few cute little hops toward me, wrapped her arms tight around my waste and laid her head on my shoulder and just held me. My sweat pea and I’ve had all sorts of fun together. We recently went on an outing with a group of her friends. Mark asked, “Do you want to go cliff jumping, Momma?” I replied, “Let’s go.” So six of us piled into a compact car and held on for dear life while Hannah drove like a mad woman careening the car up the winding canyon road. The tunes were cranked and voices rose in song, the windows were rolled down and the wind ran its hot fingers through hair tousling six heads. When we reached the jumping point at Colby Canyon, I looked down a very high, narrow canyon walls into a small but deep pool that had waterfalls above and below it. Over the course of the winter, the effects of erosion had loosened a slab of rock the size of two suburbans and it had fallen into the lower half of the pool we were to jump into. After assessing the situation, we all agreed to try another place of insanity down river. Making our way down river was no easy feat I can tell you. We spent hours bouldering and climbing along rocks and swimming back and forth across the river and working our way over one waterfall after another. We'd climb up, up, up and over and under and around and down, down, down again wearing our swimsuits and sandals or going barefoot in 100+ temps. I have wanted to learn to rock climb for years but I always thought that ropes and harnesses would be a part of my education. Not so on this day. I was quickly introduced to freestyle climbing through experiencing the moment. Wow! While we were climbing away, a group of four athletic types with a lot more climbing experience caught up with and joined our group. When we reached a particularly treacherous looking fall area, the girls opted to sit in the sun and wait for the guys to return from their “fun.” I watched as the guys made their way across the fall and up a high rock wall on the other side and I decided that, “I can do this, too.” I looked back at my girly and Hannah laying on a rock and my daughter yelled over the crash of the falls, “No mom, don’t do it.” I mouthed back, “It’ll be okay.” So with a little trepidation and a lot of determination, I set my foot on a rock in the water at the top of the first section of the fall. The water rushed over my foot and leg. It felt sturdy. I took another step and made my way over to a rock wall. I grabbed hold of the wall and pressed myself close to it and then eased my way down to a narrow ledge of rock that sloped down into another section of the fall. From there I had to jump across the fall into the water where the current wasn’t flowing as swift. I let go of the wall with one hand and lunged. I went completely under water, resurfaced and swam toward another rock wall that had a rope hanging down from it. I grabbed the rope and climbed my way to the top where I was met with congratulatory shouts. What a blast! I could go on and on about that day. I had so much fun. But I’ll spare you further detail. I will say, though, that the next time I go climbing, it will be with the experienced. There’s way too much room for error and the experienced definitely know what they’re doing. I walked away that day with a sunburn, an amazing feeling of exhilaration and an offer to learn to surf. Sweet! My daughter and I also loaded up her Saturn and took a road trip to Arizona to visit an Alaskan friend over Memorial Weekend. While my girl steered us toward Phoenix, I kicked off my shoes and propped my feet on the dash, reclined my seat a bit, relaxed my head on my arm and enjoyed the company, the tunes, the wind and the drive. When we reached the LA area, the congestion on the freeway slowed our rocketing pace to a 20-40 mph crawl and sometimes to a complete halt. In the midst of this slow procession, a professional looking guy in a sleek new car crawling next to us “hayed” for our attention. “You ladies from Alaska? That’s what the plates say. “I’ve been there myself. Oh, by the way, would you like my phone number?” I wondered how much success the man had with this approach. This encounter seemed to amuse the motorists crawling along with us. They craned heads and smiled big cheesy grins as they passed. Who needs the bar scene when you have the LA freeway. Goodness! Well, I could keep you reading for a long time sharing thoughts and experiences, but I’ll wrap it up here for you. I plan to spend the summer here in Cali and then I'll head North in the Fall. My plans are subject to change. You never know where the winds of life will blow you. But at present, this is what I have in mind. I will keep you informed as to my happenings and future plans. Thanks again for your emails and phone calls and letters. As always, I enjoy communicating with you. I hope that your lives are wonderful and that you’re happy. You’re in may thoughts and I am missing you And yes, I am even missing Alaska. Love, Nannette June 17, 2005
Short Update Life is lovely here in the land of sun, although adjusting to the heat is a challenge for this cold climate girl. I definitely utilize and appreciate the pool here at the condo. A nice cool dip on a scorching, hot day helps alleviate the discomfort. I’ve just signed up with temp agencies in Lancaster, Palmdale and Valencia to generate a little work. I thought I’d mix all this pleasure with a little business. My full plate of fun is mighty tasty but I think seasoning it with constructive activity will enhance the flavor. I am enjoying my full plate of fun. Though, I wonder if dropping from a height of 255’ at a velocity of up to 85 mph - on Goliath, a roller coaster ride at Six Flags or if being catapulted off a board by waves, somersaulted under water, drug across the ocean floor and then spewed to the surface where coughing salt water in an attempt to catch your breath as another wave breaks over your head constitutes what is considered fun. I suppose if a person contemplates repeating such activities they’re having fun or they’re a little coo-coo. Maybe it’s a mixture of the two. I’ve not yet decided. I have fun stories to share but I’ll fill you in on these and other activities in greater length at a later date. I hope your summer’s wonderful. Nannette June 28, 2005
Hola Senors y Senoritas, A bit of California influence for you. I hope this letter finds everyone happy and healthy and in God’s good graces. Time sure has flown since I last wrote and all sorts of interesting things have transpired. But as usual there’s not enough time to share it all, so I’ll just give you a window’s view into my happenings. I trust everyone’s fourth was a blast. It certainly was here. Californians definitely go all out celebrating Independence Day. Here at the condo we could see and hear fireworks go off several nights prior to and post fourth of July. But when the 4th rolled around, WOW, it was like none I’ve ever experienced. I felt like a little girl watching in awe of the excitement. Well before nightfall people were shooting of fireworks. But when darkness fell, people went loco. For hours, all around us and all over the city and as far off on the horizon as I could see, huge plumes of bright white and green and red and various other colors exploded against the night sky and the air reverberated with KABOOMS and BANGS and POPS and CRACKLES and ear piercing WHISTLES. People were out in their yards and in the streets shouting and laughing and having a great time. Sirens wailed all night as firefighters spent the evening hard at work racing from one fire to the next. I finally had to put earplugs in so I could get to sleep. Wild! The temperatures reached the three-digit range and it’s blazing hot. The wind here blows rather aggressively, which you’d think might lend even a minuscule amount of relief. It doesn’t! The wind scrapes across the skin and eyes like sandpaper and dries the sinuses making it uncomfortable to breath. I try my best to find ways to escape the heat. Fortunately the other day, a friend extended an invitation, to my daughter and me, to spend the day on his speedboat at Lake Castaic. What a great way to spend the long, hot hours. When we arrived at the lake and eased away from the dock, the numerous other boats and the jet skis, Chad opened up the throttle and tore across the water. After flying around the lake, we made our way into a little cove, where several others were anchored. We spent a leisurely day swimming and eating and listening to music and visiting with fellow boaters and laying in the sun. At days end, we flew around the lake again to conclude a perfectly spent day. I want a speedboat, they’re such a blast! A group of us recently hiked up to Devil’s Chair. The heat was intense and miserable that day, but we were determined to go the distance. We hiked up switchback after switchback after switchback to these crazy looking pink and white and yellow and black and green rock formations. When we reached the top, we could see down into the valley where the city lay in the distance. To help divert our attention from the miles ahead and from the blistering 110 degrees, Chad led us all in song. This athletically built 6’2” man led us in rounds of Row, Row, Row Your Boat and verses of Ninety-Nine Bottles and choruses of Old McDonald. While Chad sang the chorus to Old McDonald, the rest of us alternately sang out the animals residing on the farm. I’m sure we were a sight; a group of grown-ups hiking the trail singing children’s songs and making animal noises. It was fun, though. He also entertained us by singing love ballads in a beautiful tenor and singing Tony Bennet and Frank Sinatra tunes in a funky Femi soprano sounding voice while lending a heavy metal twist to them. He had us busting up laughing. It was great! The beaches here are fantastic, though not because of the aesthetics. In my opinion the beauty of the Oregon Coastline is far more preferable to the California. But I love the energy in the coastal towns here, especially in Hermosa and Santa Monica. Fun! There are people everywhere. All up and down 3rd street Promenade, in Santa Monica, there are street performers juggling and playing music and singing and dancing (I love the Salsa dancers) and there are artists drawing portraits and caricatures and people are eating and drinking in the outdoor cafes as others bustle in and out of shops. On the Santa Monica Pier, the Ferris wheel and the Roller Coaster are running non-stop. There are shops and artists and vendors and fishermen lining the pier and you have to squeeze your way through the mob and progress is slow. The beaches, both in Santa Monica and Hermosa, are festive and alive. We’ve witnessed a couple weddings being conducted on the beach while activity buzzed on all sides. Volleyball players and bicyclers and joggers and roller bladers and surfers and wake boarders and swimmers and dog walkers and baby strollers are in perpetual motion as far along the beach as you can see. Sunbathers are sprawled out everywhere and beach umbrellas add color to the scene. It is easy to meet people and engage in conversation, I love it. I did obtain a temporary position with one of the temp agencies I signed with. After running through a series of tests that ranged from math, computer, personality and ethics, as well as several others, and then interviewing, within 3 days the Valencia Agency placed me with the City in the Engineering Department working on the computer and helping with communication between the Developers and the Engineers. The job was a lot of fun, although not especially lucrative. (The CA wage vs the cost of living is perverse. I was not ignorant to the cost of living here but the wages were a bit of a surprise.) I enjoyed working and having a routine again and I also enjoyed learning new things. But what I enjoyed the most was meeting and interacting with a lot of nice people. My boss and I hit it off right away. He has a quick wit and enjoys a good verbal sparring. He’s a hoot. On my last day of work I was sent off with handshakes and hugs and well wishes and email addresses and requests for pictures and postcards and I was asked to play tour guide to future visits to Alaska. One of the topics of interest at work that drew more attention than I wanted was my unattached state, hence, my availability. Margie, one of the engineers I worked with, deemed it her responsibility to find a soul mate for the new girl in spite of my polite refusals at her attempts. She derived amusement and outright laughed at my discomfort when she singled out the eligible that worked for or conducted business with the City. She gave me a rundown of their qualifications and accomplishments in spite of my efforts at waving her off. My boss also dropped not so subtle hints at possibilities when one of the single engineers and I were in the same vicinity. I was told, on several occasions, that romance is easily found working at the City. These declarations were then followed with personal testimonies of their own or of other’s experiences. Sergio also wielded Cupid’s bow and Ray, after running through a list of admirable qualities he thinks I possess, puzzled over my single status and directly asked me why I am. I’ve been asked this before and each time I am asked I wonder how I am supposed to answer. I can give a multitude of answers to this question which range from the flippant that evokes laughter and hopefully staves off further probing to the highly personal; I’m too old, I’m too young, I’m too picky, I’m not picky enough, no chemistry, heading different directions, too much history, under developed character, maybe it’s my destiny, maybe my love is on his way and I need to exhibit patience or maybe . . . it is because the current prevailing mentality among people is that they only want the euphoric beginnings; they do not have the stamina to gut out the tough times that inevitably find their way into life. This perspective is not male specific, women share this mindset too; which is part of the problem, it’s cyclic. Relationship and self-sacrifice are synonymous, whether we like it or not; and not many want this when everything’s so free and easy these days. Although people like the thought of having someone in their life on an intimate level, they really do not want to risk emotional vulnerability or to exert a little perseverance. People sabotage the heart’s desire with the self-imposed inability to trust and with the fear they may do time for someone else’s crime. The risk of investing resources, emotionally or monetarily, seems far too great. For the return - may be use and abuse and depletion of what was once possessed, there couldn’t possibly be a return that leaves us in the black, could there? So, relationship is rendered cheap. We skim the cream off the top, take the fat and leave the lean. It’s all so uncomplicated and disposable. “I’ll take an order of free and easy, please. Hold the commitment.” “That will be $3.00, please.” “Wow, that was cheap!” (And not so filling!) A little sardonic, maybe, but unfortunately all too true. With the emphasis being on the single person finding someone to fulfill and complete them - which most always meets with disappointment - for fulfillment and wholeness really come from within, is it any wonder society speeds down the freeway to promiscuity? Not only must the visceral needs be met but the psyche’s appetite needs satiating as well. Someone has to affirm, “Please, tell me there is not a R tattooed to my forehead. I’m not a reject. I’m not! Or, am I?” Whatever the reason for my single status, I am endeavoring to employ the principle of “being content in whatever state I am in,” though this is not always easy. For there are times I consider the sweetness of companionship. But, I find that being single is a good state to be too. In fact, I have discovered that I’ve more peace and happiness FLYING solo than in any other state I’ve survived. And truth be told, I am never really alone and I am very well loved. I truly am. Life is good. Well, on this soapbox note, I am stepping down and signing off. Life is too short to fret about the what ifs and the have nots. Yesterday’s gone, tomorrow’s not yet here so let’s live and laugh and love right where we are. I begin my migration north this coming week, So I’ll keep you informed of my whereabouts and happenings. Adios Amigos, Amigas, Nannette August 22, 2005
Hello All, I’m back in Alaska, here in Anchorage settling in and readying to join the work-a-day world once again. Returning to Alaska proved to be more of a challenge than leaving. Phew! What a trip! Never a dull moment! My last day in Lancaster was bittersweet. My daughter crawled into bed with me and we spent the morning talking and laughing and bemoaning our separation. Around noon we finally mustered enough motivation to make our way down from the condo to the pool where we spent the afternoon swimming and talking and laughing and laying in the hot sun. The first leg of my journey was a short jaunt from Lancaster to Bakersfield where my daughter and I spent a couple of wonderful days visiting with her grandparents. You know, family is so much more than the bond of blood. Family is a choice, an attitude of the heart. I am fortunate that I have people in my life who consider me family; who set their love upon me. When I left Bakersfield, this is when the fun started. About 100 miles north of Bakersfield, my Subaru choked - in spite of the mechanic giving it the thumbs up before I ventured out of Lancaster. Inconsiderate car! With barely enough power, I putt, putted my way off of a freeway exit. I got out of my car, lifted the hood and looked at the engine; as if this helped. I laughed at myself and got back into my car. I looked out the window; I was surrounded by vineyards. I said a prayer. As I readied to head off on a walk to find help, a flatbed truck pulled up. “I noticed your Alaska plates and that you’re having trouble. I figure I’d not be a good Samaritan if I didn’t stop to help.” We talked about my fussy car. Tim called his mechanic, who was unable to give me a tow. So Tim offered, “If you’re feeling brave and you’re up for an adventure, I’ll give you a tow.” So, with a very short length of chain between us, we successfully covered the miles to his mechanic’s. The mechanic threw an alternator under the hood and had my Subi back on the road in no time. Throughout my travels I’ve met some very nice people and I’m thankful they’ve crossed my path. I wish I could say my troubles ended here. However, I met with a series of complications that ranged from major aggravations to minor irritations; such as losing my hub cap somewhere between Willows, CA and Roseburg, OR. There are seasons when character building opportunities seem endless. And at times I have down right envied my two year old granddaughter’s approach to problem solving. In my mind’s eye, I’ve a clear vision of Riss throwing herself on the floor and flailing and bawling because she felt her mother was complicating her life. At the time of Rissa’s temper-tantrum, I thought to myself, “Move over and make room for grandma. I relate with your pain, girl.” Though tempted to join Riss in self-expression, I maintained my composure; sophisticated woman that I am. “The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials” or so the Chinese proverb reminds. While traveling north, I visited family in Roseburg and Portland. From there I drove to Bellingham, WA, boarded the Columbia and traveled the Marine Hwy up the Inside Passage back to Alaska. For three days, the Columbia poked along at 16 knots - approximately 19 mph. The water was calm, the sea-life abundant, the visuals spectacular, the social interactions interesting and the amenities comfortable; what a relaxing and pleasurable experience. I opted out renting a cabin. Instead I threw my sleeping bag on the deck at the stern of the boat and laid out underneath the stars. The gentle undulating rhythm of the water lulled me to sleep as the ocean breeze toyed with my hair. People camped out everywhere. What fun! I dined in the cafeteria, watched a couple movies in the theater and spent time on the observation deck. When the Columbia docked in Skagway, my Subi and I disembarked and I continued my journey through Canada and back into Alaska. I've so enjoyed traveling and visiting, playing, exploring and taking a reprieve from the routine of life; but I’m glad to be back home. I do so love Alaska. |
AuthorAlways the storyteller, dad'd weave tales of nomadic Indian tribes and caravanning gypsies - all of whom we were somehow related, lol. Consequently, his yarns nurtured within me an Archives
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